Question: I have been working in my present job for six months and really enjoy the work. However, one of my co-workers has taken a disliking to me and goes out of her way to make negative comments about me and my work. I have tried to kill her with kindness but it only makes things worse. What else can I do?

Answer: In all likelihood, your co-worker’s negative behavior is not about you, but about her. The office bully is becoming a recognized problem in today’s work environment and has caused excessive sick days and ultimately resignations from many who are on the receiving end of this nasty treatment. Much like the playground bully, the office bully seeks to build themselves up by putting another down. And, like the playground bully, standing up for yourself will often fuel their insecure egos and cause further conflict. Here are some suggestions to manage this challenging situation:

• If you have a reasonable supervisor who will take your problem seriously and can be of assistance, speak with them first to see what, if anything, can be done internally.
• Minimize your exposure. The more time you spend away from the bully, the less stress you will feel. This may seem obvious, but may also take some effort such as changing your proximity to a bully in the office or requesting to work on assignments where the bully will not be present.
• Try not to be alone with the bully. When alone, a bully may act as cruelly as they wish without the threat of others taking note.
• If a bully attempts to ridicule you in front of others, invite the others into the conversation. Most people will not be unkind and will attempt to support those that are being unfairly picked on.
• Resist the urge to change the bully. Most reasonable people don’t enjoy conflict and want to minimize interpersonal strife. However, the bully is keenly interested in power and control so attempts at equality and diplomacy will usually be met with hostility.
• Finally, Don’t Take it Personally! Bullies are very good manipulators and can trick you into believing you warrant this treatment. Always remember that we are ALL entitled to respect and decent treatment despite our mistakes and shortcomings. The person who treats people otherwise is behaving badly.

While you may not be able to completely rid yourself of this bully, you can minimize the damage they are able to inflict.